I'm in LA, bitch. Yet here I am isolated in the apartment's library typing an essay about how the human bodies is the embodiment of evil and our mind is the almighty and superior pilot of this empty vessel.

Jesslyn's laptop is missing the N key and what's left in its place is a tiny protruding rubber I keep missing.

The summer sucks. I can't believe the workload in a term which should instead be relaxing and all.

My head is pounding against my skull and my heart keeps beating against my chest like canon balls and I feel like punching someone and declaring that since the body is evil I should not be held liable.

More philosophical entries when I get back because this Macbook is driving me crazy. I want a PC.

I watched Up, which made me cry a river, partly because he was there a few rows behind acting like he cared and partly because the story is too touching to be true.

This, made me tear.

I cannot help but keep on wondering whether he has moved on to his next "victim" because he failed to receive enough positive signals from me, because it's just his nature, or because of too much positive signals.

Talk about being in one deep shit after another.

An acquaintance stayed over my house last night due to various reasons which I cannot even be bothered to explain.

I was feeling really shitty.

Like, completely, utterly, absolutely shitty kind of shitty.

And since she was relating her disposition to me and seemed really nice I decided to be the classic too trusting ol' me and told her my story.

Later on she turned out to be this really weird person who scrolled through my blackberry messenger and my smses (HOLY SHIT). I've no way of confirming this, of course, but I swear my messages were at the newest section when I passed my phone for her to borrow.

Stupid, stupid too trusting me just did it again.

Now I'm scared of what she's gonna do about what she knows. I hope she's grateful enough of me for providing a roof upon her head to keep it to herself, or at least to not add pepper, salt and spices upon the juicy dish.

:(

Karma bites really hard, and always at times when you least expect it. The bite wound carries a virus worse than rabies. It gnaws from the inside and breaks you down, attacking your sanity one fragile piece at a time before everything simply crumbles and there is nothing left of your original self.

Why hello my empty shell, I can just hear thoughts whirling around as echos.

Funny how in life you always want something that is unreachable, untouchable, ethereal and unreal. And when reality tugs you back your reflex makes you kick it so hard in the shin till it helplessly lets go.

Thinking back I just realized how much of a bitch I am. The way I treated the guys who actually honestly cared and truly wanted to be always there for me, this is probably karma throwing poisoned harpoons at me.

I am so sick of being in relationships that aren't really relationships. The past few months have been about one unofficial relationship after another; about people thinking I'm attached when I'm really not; about people thinking that there is something going on about someone and me when all we really are is friends.

Stop being so damn nice and acting like you're interested if you're not because if I do actually fall for you (like all those hundreds of other innocent victims did), I'm going to hate you so much I will curse you in every second of my sleep and wish for the Golden Gate to crumble upon you.

BECAUSE you came to me when I was at my most vulnerable and fed your ego upon my naivety. I wish I could look into that shining armor of yours and see for myself what you truly are.

I hope it's not an inflated ego inside there but my instinct is telling me otherwise.

My emo level is going up exponentially from reading secretzen.com. I should stop but I can't.